Rachel’s Child

 

 

We are orphans and fatherless, our mothers are as widows

 

Lamentations 5:3 (King James)

 

“The mouth smiles but the heart weeps”


Perla Ovitz



 

 

 I am alone (by fashioneyes deviantart.com)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Mother Come Home”

 

Winter in New Acres.

 

A young man was standing in the middle of a New Acres field watching the sun set.

 

Everything was shining and white.

 

Like a winter wonderland.

 

A thick blanket of snow covered the earth and the trees around him.

 

The frozen landscape had an ethereal beauty.

 

Ezra Geller.

 

A young man in torment.

 

And a solitary figure against a forbidding landscape.

 

Acres and acres of snow capped pasture surrounded him.

 

The strong winds bustled about him and whistled through the trees.

 

But Ezra Geller did not feel the cold.

 

He was lost in his own reverie.

 

The pale grey winter sky was tinged by a yellow light.

 

And Ezra Geller was alone in his mind again.

 

The woods of New Acres held a great resonance for the young man.

 

Geller pondered the captivating landscape.

 

And cast his mind back.

 

He was ten years old again.

 

He was kneeling before his adopted mother as silent tears trickled down his face.

 

She was gently dabbing his bruised knee with a swab of cotton wool soaked in TCP.

 

The little boy winced as she applied a plaster over the weeping wound.

 

Then the woman leaned in close and wiped away his tears with her hand.

 

“You’re special to us” she soothed.

 

The boy looked up into her big brown eyes.

 

“You’re not like the other kids at school. Because we chose you” Elisa Geller finished.

 

Little Ezra did not understand her words.

 

She was his mother.

 

Wasn’t she?

 

The adult Ezra Geller smiled sadly to himself at the memory.

 

Elisa Geller – the sweetest woman any boy could have for a mother.

 

But she wasn’t his real mother.

 

Geller watched as a flock of Blackbirds flew overhead and alighted upon a tree.

 

The young man was momentarily distracted by their fluting song.

 

“Birds are free”

 

Now he was eleven years of age.

 

Fishing with his adopted father.

 

Little Ezra was sitting beside the older man on the banks of the Surrey lake.

 

It was late afternoon on a summer’s day.

 

They were surrounded by other pensive anglers – all facing the still and quiet lake.

 

It was with a sense of exasperation that little Ezra waited beside his adopted father.

 

Gradually the water rippled and the silence was broken by happy cries of the other would-be fishermen around him.

 

Benjamin Geller glanced at his adopted son and smiled.

 

There was a grimace on the boy’s face as he stared impassively at the water.

 

As if he were willing it to be filled with fish.

 

“Patience, son!” Benjamin Geller urged the boy.

 

But the teenager had just about given up.

 

They wouldn’t have anything to show by the time they returned.

 

“What’s the point?” Ezra Geller protested sulkily.


Suddenly he felt a tug on the line.

 

The boy was beside himself as it became a certainty.

 

“I’ve caught something! I’ve caught something!” Ezra Geller exclaimed excitedly.

 

He was tugging on the line as the resistance intensified.

 

The teenage Ezra Geller let out a cry of triumph as the silvery common bream emerged on the end of the line.

 

The fish wriggled and gulped.

 

The boy was beaming.

 

He turned to share his moment of glory with his adopted father.

 

But Benjamin Geller had nodded off beside him.

 

It was getting colder now

 

Ezra Geller sighed at the happy recollection.

 

Golden memories.

 

Elisa and Benjamin Geller had adopted Ezra when he was just a couple of weeks old.

 

Benjamin was a jocular man with greying brown hair and laughing hazel eyes.

 

He had an easy smile and ready charm and was a respected doctor.

 

Elisa was a handsome brunette with warm brown eyes and a kindly disposition.

 

She taught English at the local school.

 

They were a childless couple.

 

And resigned to a life without ever having children of their own.

 

So they were intrigued and overwhelmed by the unmistakable offer made to them by an older couple at their synagogue.

 

Suddenly a light had been shed on a barren couple.

 

Benjamin and Elisa were as Abraham and Sarah.

 

And the wizened woman and her prepossessing husband had suddenly become their angels of mercy.

 

They had known each other socially for some time.

 

They moved in the same circles.

 

And attended the same synagogue.

 

Yet Solomon and Golda Menchen were fiercely private.

 

They only let people know what they were happy to hear.

 

Golda Menchen was a lively woman.

 

She had dark brown hair and bright green eyes.

 

Golda was a respected photographer who had lived in Haifa, Israel for much of her life.

 

She met and married her British born husband there.

 

Solomon Menchen was a celebrated TV reporter.

 

He had salt and pepper hair and grey eyes.

 

Short and stockily built – Solomon Menchen was regarded as a pillar of the community.

 

The couple returned to England with their ten year old daughter and settled in New Acres.

 

Little Rachel became the focus of all their love and affection.

 

The auburn haired girl was very pretty and had vivid green eyes like her mother

 

She had an endearing personality and had a budding career as cellist.

 

Then she met Ariel Abrams and her life was changed forever.

 

The swarthy and handsome Israeli was a talented violinist in the orchestra.

 

And they soon became inseparable – Rachel was in love for the first time in her life.

 

They were married in Cyprus.

 

And Rachel quickly became pregnant.

 

The couple considered moving to Israel permanently.

 

Then tragedy struck.

 

And Rachel Abram’s world was completely torn apart.

 

The Menchen’s were intensely protective of their only daughter.

 

Golda and Solomon Menchen met the Geller’s under cover of darkness outside the synagogue.

 

The childless couple were struggling with their emotions as they waited to see their new baby.

 

Their quest for a baby of their own was miraculously over.

 

“It is God’s will!” Golda Menchen declared as she placed the sleeping baby carefully into Elisa Geller’s expectant arms.

 

The new mother wept with joy as her husband enfolded her in a protective embrace.

 

Golda and Solomon Menchen watched the unfolding scene silently.

 

Tears filled the older woman’s eyes as she observed the childless couple overcome with emotion for the little life they were now holding.

 

“You are saving our daughter” Solomon Menchen declared – but there was sadness in his resonant voice.

 

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Elisa Geller repeated over and over again.

 

Golda Menchen managed a sad smile.

 

There was no need for words.

 

Then she followed her husband to the car.

 

And after taking one last look at the new mother and father with their baby boy – Solomon and Golda Menchen drove slowly away.

 

Benjamin and Elisa Geller looked at each other – still unable to comprehend what had happened.

 

The arrival of the tiny baby had been an answer to their prayers.

 

So they took the boy home to live with them in their big house in Surrey.

 

And he became their child.

 

They named him Ezra.

 

And they never spoke of his real mother – even though they knew her.

 

The past was buried.

 

It was better left that way.

 

Golda Menchen crept quietly into the darkened hospital room.

 

The curtains were half drawn.

 

Rachel Abrams was lying in bed and staring dolefully out of the window.

 

Everything was still.

 

A sliver of light from the partially drawn curtain illuminated her beautiful but wan face.

 

She was locked in a private hell.

 

Golda’s heart ached at the sight of her desolate daughter.

 

She was almost as pale as the hospital’s bed sheets and the white painted walls and ceiling.

 

“Rachel” Golda Menchen whispered.

 

The young woman turned to look at her mother with large haunted eyes.

 

“Is it done?” Rachel Abrams asked falteringly.

 

The older woman sat on the side of the hospital bed and gently took her daughter’s hand in hers.

 

“Yes, my love” Golda Menchen replied benignly.

 

A solitary tear rolled down the disconsolate young woman’s cheek.

 

“There now” her mother soothed as she stroked a strand of hair out of her daughter’s eye “soon, you will be home with me and your father. You can begin to build a new life”

 

Golda Menchen’s heart was breaking and she suddenly fought the urge to scream.

 

She wanted to believe her own words.

 

But her daughter was mentally and emotionally shattered.

 

Rachel Abrams – her beautiful and clever daughter.

 

The best daughter a mother ever had.

 

A talented cellist with the world at her feet.

 

Now a shadow of her former self.

 

A widow mourning the loss of a husband and a son.

 

A cruel fate.

 

“The Geller’s?” Rachel asked simply and devastatingly.

 

The words hung in the air.

 

Her mother was unable to speak.

 

The look of desolation in her daughters eyes was unmistakable.

 

“Yes” Golda Menchen replied finally “And you must never go back looking for the past. It is only a place of pain for you now. He will be well cared for”

 

The older woman felt such a surge of helplessness at the sight of her devastated daughter that she fought the urge to shout in the face of adversity.

 

But instead she took Rachel in her arms.

 

to the light (by diggedy deviantart.com)

The two women were sobbing when Solomon Menchen entered the room.

 

Their daughter had at last found refuge in tears.

 

After several moments he quietly removed himself to permit the two women to vent their grief in peace.

 

Now Benjamin and Elisa Geller were both dead.

 

And Ezra Geller was alone.

 

There was a gaping hole in his heart.

 

Several swallows descended upon the spidery branch of a tree above him.

 

There was a yellow tinge to the sky and it cast an ethereal light upon the frozen landscape.

 

It was a  twilight world of fading shadows.

 

Ezra Geller’s mind was preoccupied by recurring thoughts of his birth mother.

 

This was the place she had lived.

 

 

And he felt close to her as the wind rattled through the trees.

 

Ezra knew little about her.

 

He knew that she had been unable to keep him because she was unwell.

 

Pressing a family friend further,  he discovered that his birth father had been killed by a suicide bomber in Israel.

 

He was born shortly after but his mother was too unwell to look after him.

 

Ezra Geller knew no more.

 

A conspiracy of silence surrounded everything.

 

“Does being here feel good to you?” Chana Geller asked her pensive husband – suddenly shaking him out of his reverie.

 

His beautiful Israeli-born wife nuzzled her chin affectionately into his shoulder.

 

Her angelic-looking husband had a pensive expression on his face again.

 

“I feel closer to her” Geller replied.

 

He took his wife’s hand and they stood staring at the darkening sky together.

 

The chattering swallows were just ascending.

 

Ezra and Chana Geller observed the swarm of birds as the wind whistled around them.

 

His wife leaned close and kissed him on the cheek.

 

Channa understood that Ezra was on a journey of self discovery and she wanted to be there for him every step of the way.

 

The young man knew little about his birth mother and her life.

 

There was a big empty space in his life.

 

And it was suffixed by a big question mark.

 

His birth mother was the ghost haunting his dreams.

 

Although his adopted parents did not discuss her – she was never far from his mind.

 

Now he was ready to go looking for her.

 

To put the pieces of the puzzle together.

 

Although his adopted family had given him a good start in life – a strong sense that something was missing pervaded everything in his life.

 

“I love you” Chana Geller whispered.

 

She squeezed his hand tightly.

 

“I am here for you” she added firmly.

 

Her eyes were glittering brightly.

 

The couple embraced.

 

When they finally parted – Ezra Geller was so overcome with emotion that he had to look away.

 

He felt like a lost little boy.

 

“Did you know that trees can stand for hundreds of years?” Ezra said finally – but his voice faltered.

 

“I love you” Chana Geller repeated looking deeply into his sad eyes.

 

Finally they walked hand-in-hand to the car together.

 

The moon had risen in a dark and starless sky.

 

Later that evening, Ezra and Chana Geller were standing in the middle of their new apartment.

 

They surveyed the scene with a great sense of achievement.

 

The large apartment was an understated and modest residence –  a little less flashy than their regular abodes.

 

It resided in a complex of luxury residences for the well heeled in an exclusive area of town.

 

 

The successful couple had a mansion in Chalfont St Giles, Buckinghamshire and a summer residence in Tel-Aviv, Israel.

 

The smart apartment was their latest acquisition and the media had already been hot on their heels.

 

A new and more affordable complex of apartments was being built opposite their residence.

 

Images of the couple entering and leaving their residence were featured in newspapers and magazines around the world.

 

Now Ezra and Chana Geller were surrounded by pieces of expensive designer furniture and countless boxes and crates full of their many belongings.

 

There were suitcases piled up against the walls and numerous pots of paint and decorating materials were lined up in readiness for a apartment’s glossy make-over.

 

Many residences in the exclusive apartment complex still remained unoccupied – although not for long.

 

An actress and a multi-millionaire entrepreneur had already moved and also a mystery woman who nobody had seen.

 

Ezra Geller was a highly acclaimed and much sought after photographer.

 

He had snapped everyone from rock stars to royalty.

 

Ezra Geller’s portfolio was very impressive and every aspiring actor or supermodel chose him to photograph them.

 

And his star had risen high.

 

Geller had tried to keep the move to the exclusive New Acres apartment complex low-key.

 

But everyone soon knew about it.

 

And now they were getting used to seeing a small band of cameramen and reporters camped outside their abode every time they entered or left it.

 

Chana Geller even took to handing out tea and biscuits if they were well behaved.

 

The new apartment was already creaking under the artifacts of their mutual success.

 

Framed magazine covers and numerous gleaming awards poking out of boxes testified to the Geller’s fame and global celebrity.

 

Several enthusiastic delivery men had even demanded that Ezra Geller give them his autograph.

 

Chana Geller was a world famous make-up artist.

 

She was born Chana Yadin in Petah Tikva, Israel and had briefly lived in New York before moving to England.

 

By the time she established herself in Britain,  the beauty was already well known on movie shoots and top fashion shows and was much sought after.

 

Chana Geller was petite and olive skinned with raven hair and brilliant black eyes.

 

She moved in all the right circles and could count actors, models and minor-royalty as personal friends.

 

Chana and Ezra met during the making of The Fires of Love five years previously in Lisbon.

 

It was love at first sight.

 

“You have the saddest eyes I have ever seen” Chana Yadin informed Ezra Geller between takes one day in her richly accented voice.

 

Those were the first words she had ever spoken to him.

 

And the serious young photographer had instantly been smitten with the dazzling creature with the intriguing black eyes.

 

“My eyes are happy when they look at you!” Ezra Geller replied earnestly.

 

He was impressed by the raven haired beauty and her no-nonsense directness.

 

“Israeli, right?” Geller asked her with a knowing smile.

 

She shrugged.

 

“How did you ever guess!” Chana Gold replied wryly.

 

Then she planted a kiss on his cheek and disappeared.

 

Ezra Geller was blushing wildly as he watched the fabulous creature vanish into the make-up trailer.

 

For the next several weeks – the couple conducted a gentle dance together as they began to get to know each other.

 

Things moved quickly for the glittering couple.

 

And very soon they were inseparable long after the movie shoot was over.

 

Chana Yadin moved into Ezra Geller’s smart London pad but they were soon considering a bigger place of their own and Buckinghamshire seemed ideal.

 

Media attention became intense.

 

But they were both veterans of the media circus and knew how to handle themselves.

 

Within a two years of meeting the lovers were married in a flurry of media attention in a synagogue in North London surrounded by family and close friends.

 

His adopted parents had already passed by then and he felt alone as he observed the warm and protective Yadin family.

 

Chana Yadin was utterly radiant on the day they married in her ivory wedding dress.

 

As he looked into her sparkling eyes – he knew that he had been fortunate enough to meet his soul mate.

 

And Ezra Geller knew that a new life had begun.

 

But he wasn’t ready to let go of the old one.

 

And he was in the town where his real mother had lived.

 

Hoping to uncover the mystery.

 

And perhaps meet her at long last.

 

For she was never far from his thoughts.

 

Ezra Geller was tall and good looking with curly blond hair and clear blue eyes.

 

He looked like an angel.

 

Ezra and Chana Geller moved in beauty.

 

And the media couple had fallen in love as much with their talents as with their picture perfect looks.

 

They were a perfect fit.

 

The Geller’s were like two celestial beings stranded in New Acres.

 

And they had both agreed that now was the right time to unravel the past.

 

To solve the mystery of Ezra Geller’s missing mother.

 

They were prepared for every eventuality.

 

And Chana Geller was Ezra’s greatest cheerleader.

 

His wife was his guardian angel.

 

The momentous night they decided to buy a property in New Acres – something in Ezra Geller changed.

 

“Thank you” he answered simply.

 

Perhaps he would find out at last what happened to the tragic woman who had given birth to him.

 

Merryview Convalescence Home.

 

It was elegant building situated on the outskirts of the town.

 

A place for the broken minded to heal.

 

Everything in the home was either brilliant white or institution green.

 

Eighteen months had already passed since Rachel Abrams had been admitted there.

 

Eighteen months since her nervous collapse.

 

And the quiet home had offered her a haven from her shattered life.

 

Now as Rachel Abrams walked through the pretty garden alone she looked at the small white envelope in her hand.

 

It was addressed to her in her mother’s elegant hand writing.

 

Sitting on a bench beneath a tree – Rachel Abrams carefully opened the envelope.

 

A small photograph fell out.

 

The unmistakable image of a baby looked up at her.

 

Rachel’s heart skipped a beat.

 

The chubby rosy cheeked infant gazed contentedly out of the photograph and looked straight into her heart.

 

A rush of maternal love filled the shattered woman.

 

She read the little note.

 

My darling Rachel,

This is little Ezra. 

He is happy and well.

We miss you.

Mother

 

Rachel Abrams smiled for the first time in months.

 

Her spirits had been lifted.

 

A chink of light had appeared for her in the darkness.

 

Ezra Geller spent most of the night pacing up and down the living room.

 

His heart was racing and his head was spinning.

 

The young man was excited and frightened at the same time.

 

Tomorrow would be the day of reckoning.

 

Chana Geller entered the room quietly.

 

“You must sleep” she urged.

 

Then she took her husband gently by the hand and led him back to the bedroom.

 

The following day Ezra Geller and his wife walked down the bustling street.

 

Several people recognized the couple and whispered excitedly among themselves.

 

But they were both preoccupied with their mission.

 

Every woman who passed Ezra Geller could have been his mother.

 

Every time he saw a woman with a child – his heart would leap inside him.

 

The tenderness in a mothers touch and the affection in her voice tore out his heart.

 

Chana Geller tugged gently on his arm.

 

She looked knowingly into his eyes.

 

She knew.

 

Now the couple stood outside the adoption agency and Ezra’s heart was racing fast and hard in his chest.

 

He was extremely nervous.

 

Ezra Geller took a deep breath.

 

“It’s now or never” he muttered.

 

“We are in this together” Chana Geller assured him.

 

And they walked arm in arm into the agency.

 

They waited patiently to be seen.

 

Ezra Geller’s mind was spinning.

 

The couple spoke to a sympathetic woman in her office for over an hour.

 

Connie Rivkin had been successfully running the smart little adoption agency for almost forty years.

 

Ezra Geller felt a huge sense of relief in unburdening his plight to the sympathetic woman.

 

And she listened intently and made copious notes on a little pad.

 

Her motherly tone had unlocked the door.

 

Connie Rivkin was petite and attractive with greying brown hair and lively green eyes.

 

A pair of golden spectacles perched on the end of her nose and her heightened paternal instincts made her invaluable in her job.

 

The older woman paused to ponder the young man before her.

 

Connie Rivkin was already aware of Ezra Geller’s story.

 

The Geller’s were a glittering couple with a high profile after all.

 

But there was something else happening here..

 

It wasn’t so much the young man’s words that intrigued her – but the sad and lost look in his pretty eyes.

 

“We’ll find your mother” Connie Rivkin assured the couple simply as she showed them out.

 

Standing outside agency – Ezra Geller did not know whether to laugh or cry.

 

“I think we are on the right path” Chana assured him.

 

“Yeah” Ezra replied simply.

 

Hope had entered the frame.

 

The couple embraced.

 

Several weeks passed easily for the Geller’s.

 

Ezra was busy photographing a top London model for Essentials magazine.

 

And Chana was the principle the make-up artist for the top NTV drama series Long Distance.

 

It was early evening when the phone rang.

 

The Geller’s were lying in each other’s arms on the sofa.

 

Connie Rivkin sounded confident on the other end of the line.

 

“I have managed to get some background on your birth mother” she informed Ezra Geller “and I have some contacts for you”

 

The young man’s heart jumped.

 

He almost dropped the phone.

 

“Come to the office tomorrow at 10 am” Connie Rivkin informed him.

 

“Yes, yes yes – I’ll be there!” Ezra Geller replied.

 

The phone clicked off.

 

Chana Geller was smiling brightly.

 

“I have a good feeling about this!” She pronounced.

 

Everything was beginning to open up.

 

At long last.

 

The friendly woman at the agency had been able to locate Ezra Geller’s birth mother on the system after some almost forensic investigation.

 

Now the young couple were sitting in her office again and waiting expectantly for her findings.

 

Ezra Geller’s heart was pounding loudly in his chest.

 

And Chana Geller gently squeezed her husband’s hand and smiled encouragingly.

 

“Rachel Abrams” Connie Rivkin informed the young man “That is the name of your birth mother”

 

He silently mouthed her name.

 

“Rachel Abrams”

 

Mother.

 

 “She was born Rachel Menchen in Haifa, Israel but moved to England when she was ten with her father Solomon and mother Golda Menchen” Connie Rivkin continued “She married Ariel Abrams and you were born shortly afterwards. You were privately adopted by Benjamin and Elisa Geller. Your mother lived in New Acres district at 12 Chelsea Street for seventeen years and then she moved”

 

Rivkin paused.

 

The couple were listening intently to her in a hushed silence and hanging on her every word.

 

“Your father was killed in Israel by a suicide bomber” she divulged carefully “Merryview Convalescence Home. Your mother spent some time there”

 

“She must have been very ill” Chana Geller cried.

 

Connie Rivkin nodded.

 

“She did get better and when she was well enough she moved” the older woman added “I have the details”

 

Roberts took out a brown envelope from a draw and placed it on the table before the couple.

 

Silence had descended upon the couple as they attempted to process all that had been shared.

 

“I can’t thank you enough” Ezra Geller said finally.

 

“You have given my husband hope” Chana Geller added.

 

“It’s my pleasure” Connie Rivkin replied warmly with a smile.

 

As Ezra and Chana Geller got up to leave – the older woman put her hand gently on his arm.

 

“I remember Rachel” Connie Rivkin informed them “We lived in the next street to the Menchen’s. Your mother was such a beauty and so talented – a musician I believe. One moment she was married and the next she was a widow. Everything happened so quickly and it was very sad “

 

“Did she ever mention me?” Ezra Geller implored the kindly older woman.

 

“No love” Rivkin confided “One moment she was pregnant and the next it was over. The family were very private and nobody knew what had really happened”

 

“I wish I had known her” Geller shared sadly.

 

“Now is your chance to find out what happened” the older woman imparted “I believe she might be living in Toronto”

 

Suddenly there was light shining in the darkness.

 

A candle had been lit.

 

The older woman embraced the young man.

 

“Shalom Aleichem” Connie Rivkin said.

 

A month passed.

 

The luxurious apartment had been completely transformed and furnished tastefully.

 

A new chapter was just beginning for the Geller’s.

 

And they could both feel it.

 

It was late evening and the couple were just finishing one of Chana Geller’s favourite dishes – Boeuf Bourguignon.


The door bell suddenly chimed.

 

Ezra Geller was intrigued by the unexpected visitation.

 

The older woman standing at the door was petite and attractive with greying auburn hair and bright green eyes.

 

She had a sweet smile and was elegantly attired in a fine green Jaeger wool coat.

 

Ezra Geller smiled broadly at her.

 

There was a long pause before she began speaking.

 

Geller quickly supposed that she must be a fan.

 

And a rich one at that.

 

“I am sorry to disturb you” the woman said “but I just moved into the apartment across the landing and I just wanted to introduce myself to you”

 

Her voice was faintly accented.

 

“Of course” Ezra Geller replied.

 

“My name is Miriam Bloom” she continued “And if you ever need anything just let me know”

 

“I am Ezra Geller and this is my wife Chana” Geller replied as his wife appeared from behind him “its a pleasure to meet you”

 

“Yes!” Chana Geller interjected “Call on us anytime!”

 

“Thank you my dear” Miriam Bloom answered “These are for you”

 

The older woman took out a small blue velvet box of luxury Neuhaus chocolates from her Valentino handbag.

 

Chana Geller accepted the gift with a warm smile.

 

“Good night” Miriam Bloom added.

 

And with that she glided across the landing and disappeared into her apartment.

 

“What a sweet woman” Ezra Geller declared as he closed the door of the apartment.

 

“Another Jewish woman in the vicinity” Chana Geller informed him with nudge of her elbow.

 

“Yes!” Geller groaned “However will I survive!”

 

And the couple laughed lightly together.

 

A couple of days later and Ezra Geller was standing outside a large apartment block in Toronto, Canada.

 

The area was clearly the preserve of the well heeled for not only was the property private but everything looked immaculate and expensively privileged.

 

Ezra Geller checked the piece of paper carefully in his hand.

 

He had already lost track of the amount of times he had memorised the details.

 

Now he took a deep breath.

 

Geller had felt so confidant on his flight there.

 

But now his bravado had deserted him.

 

“What if she doesn’t want to see me or what if she is dead?”


His mind was whirring and he was considering every eventuality.

 

“Its now or never” Ezra Geller reminded himself.

 

He found “Abrams” on the list of residents beside the large door and tentatively pressed the buzzer beside the name.

 

His heart was beating wildly.

 

There was a crackling sound.

 

“Hello?” A raspy older man’s voice enquired.

 

“Hi!” Ezra Geller replied nervously “I’m … looking for Rachel Abrams and I was told she lived here”

 

There was a long pause,

 

“I’ll come down” the male voice responded.

 

Several minutes passed as Ezra Geller waited anxiously outside the plush apartment block.

 

Everything suddenly seemed so unreal.

 

He was highly perplexed.

 

Perhaps he really was about to meet his real mother at last.

 

Three sleepless nights had preceded the venture.

 

It was too much to take in.

 

Finally a well dressed older man with a wizened face and grey hair appeared.

 

Ezra noticed that the man was wearing a purple kippah.

 

“I was hoping to see if Rachel Abrams lived here” Ezra Geller informed him “I am … a relative

 

“I’m sorry, son” the older man answered “Rachel left about a month ago. It all happened quite fast and they haven’t changed the name on the buzzer”

 

The man did not have a Canadian accent and Geller suspected he must have been living in England before moving to Toronto.

 

Ezra Geller’s heart sank like a rock sinking to the bottom of the sea.

 

“Do you have any idea where she might be now?” The young man implored the older man.

 

The older man could tell there was more to the young man’s request than met the eye.

 

“I believe she returned to England” the man replied ” and I do hope she is settled because she is a lovely woman”

 

Ezra Geller smiled sadly.

 

There was no more need for debate.

 

Rachel Abrams took one last look around her room.

 

It was a happy and sad day.

 

All her bags were packed and her father had just loaded the last big suitcase into the back of the black taxi-cab.

 

Rachel Abrams was dressed in a black Chanel coat and her auburn hair was hidden beneath a small black Givenchy hat.

 

A bloom had noticeably returned to her cheeks of late.

 

And there was a sparkle in her vivid green eyes.

 

The bedroom Rachel had occupied during her girlhood was full of childhood memories.

 

But now those memories were increasingly tinged with sorrow.

 

It seemed so bare.

 

A beloved golden teddy bear perched on her pillows.

 

She smiled sadly.

 

A part of her had died the day she lost her husband and a part of her was still missing the moment she knew her baby had been given away.

 

A new life beckoned her in Canada.

 

She would be staying with a cousin.

 

Her mother and father were waiting beside the cab.

 

“Call us as soon as you get there” Solomon demanded as he kissed and embraced his daughter.

 

“Of course” the young woman replied.

 

“Shalom Aleichem” Golda Menchen declared as she embraced her daughter and kissed her gently on the forehead.

 

The young woman climbed into the cab.

 

There were smiles of joy and tears of sorrow.

 

Like sunshine in the rain.

 

Solomon and Golda Menchen were waving vigorously as the cab pulled away.

 

Their daughter was leaving her shattered past behind.

 

But their happiness was ringed by melancholy.

 

They had lost a grandchild.

 

They had lost a son-in-law.

 

And now their only daughter was leaving them.

 

Rachel Abrams watched as her parents disappeared into the distance.

 

She looked down at the photograph she was clutching tightly in her hand.

 

A photograph of a baby.

 

Rachel’s child.

 

As the young man turned to leave – the older man put a hand reassuringly on his shoulder.


“Shalom Aleichem”” he said.

 

 

Now Ezra Geller believed that his mission to Canada had not been a success.

 

So he cut his trip short to fly back to England.

 

On the plane he veered between hope and despair.

 

Part of him was confidant that he would be reunited with his birth mother.

 

But part of him believed she was lost to him forever.

 

Perhaps he should let it all go and focus on his present life.

 

Ezra Geller called his wife from Heathrow Airport as soon as the plane had landed.

 

He explained everything that had happened to her.

 

“It’s like she’s vanished off the face of the earth” Ezra Geller informed her sadly.

 

“Don’t give up” his wife answered gently.

 

The beautiful and glamorous Chana Geller.

 

Beautiful and uncompromising.

 

A fragment of hope still shone in  the gloom.

 

“I’ve missed you honey” Ezra Geller told his wife.

 

“And so have I” Chana Geller replied “Mrs Bloom has been keeping me company. She’s amazing

 

Miriam Bloom

 

Ezra Geller smiled.

 

“The perfect Jewish mother!” Geller responded “I’m sure her children must be proud of her”

 

The following few weeks were riven by a great inner struggle for Ezra Geller.

 

It felt like a battle of good against evil.

 

And Ezra Geller was losing.

 

He had begun to despair of ever finding his real mother.

 

And he was sliding slowly into a deep depression.

 

Ezra Geller was like a drowning man.

 

memory of water (by hearthy deviantart.com)

And like a drowning man – he had nothing to cling to.

 

Chana Geller was silently watching her husband in his office.

 

He was brooding again and pouting.

 

The young man was staring blankly out of the window.

 

Ezra Geller looked like a little boy.

 

And he was locked up in his own private hell.

 

Not even Chana Geller could save him.

 

 

She felt completely helpless.

 

And it was tearing her apart.

 

Ezra Geller was the best man she had ever known.

 

But he was suffering and she was suffering with him because she was unable to help him.

 

“I want to give you a child, Ezra” Chana Geller informed her husband quietly.

 

Ezra Geller flashed his wife a haunted smile.

 

He looked up at her with big tragic eyes.

 

“I want to make you happy” she added.

 

And they embraced.

 

Three days later and the couple were driving to the beach.

 

They had booked themselves into The Imperial Hotel beside the coast.

 

The French Riviera of New Acres beckoned them.

 

Moonlit nights walking hand-in-hand across the beach.

 

 

Candlelit dinners in the grand hotel restaurant.

 

The re-discovering of the joy of being together.

 

All these aspects conspired to lift Ezra Geller’s tormented soul.

 

Now they were lying in the big silken bed together.

 

The bedroom window was slightly open and the sound of lapping waves against the shoreline filled the room.

 

Chana Geller nuzzled her nose into her husband’s warm chest.

 

He smelt of woods and spices.

 

The smell of sweet honeysuckle permeated the room from the open window.

 

Ezra Geller smiled down at his wife.

 

She was delectable tonight.

 

Her black eyes were shining brightly in the half light and she exuded effortless sensuality.

 

“I think a baby will heal you” Chana Geller informed her husband.

 

“They say a child is a blessing” Ezra Geller replied.

 

Everything was quiet in the hotel bedroom now.

 

Saving for the hypnotic sound of lapping waves wafting across the warm breeze.

 

Three weeks after returning from their vacation – Chana Geller discovered at last that she was pregnant.

 

The couple were elated.

 

Suddenly everything had changed.

 

Everything was charged with meaning.

 

And every day bought with it  new surprises and fresh reasons to be thankful.

 

There was a fascination with minutiae of life.

 

Chana Geller had already noticed a change in her husband.

 

He was no longer preoccupied with despair.

 

Ezra Geller had been lifted out of himself.

 

Music filled the apartment again.

 

And the couple were avidly planning their future together.

 

Joy had returned to their lives.

 

At last – Ezra Geller was smiling again.

 

The first person the euphoric young couple informed about their impending new arrival was Miriam Bloom – the kindly woman who lived across the land.

 

Bloom was overcome with emotion as she embraced the young couple in the doorway of her smart apartment.

 

She insisted that they stay for supper.

 

Suddenly Ezra Geller felt like a little child again.

 

There was something about Miriam Bloom that far went beyond a caring friend.

 

It was evident in her lingering smile and touch and knowing green eyes.

 

“She is a marvelous woman” Chana Geller pronounced as she finally closed the door of their apartment later that night.

 

“Yes she is” Ezra Geller replied wistfully.

 

“I didn’t see any family photos anywhere” Chana remarked “I think she must be very lonely”

 

“I guess so” Ezra answered thoughtfully “But she has us now … and the little one”

 

Chana Geller smiled brightly.

 

She took her husband gently by the hand and led him to the bedroom.

 

The next couple of months past in a flurry of activity.

 

Ezra Geller a high profile photo shoot for London Fashion Week and Chana Geller was working on a big budget action movie called Apache Surrender.

 

Chana was held up at the film studio one evening while Ezra remained alone in the apartment.

 

He was wading through a large unmarked box full of family heirlooms.

 

Ezra Geller had left the unpacking of this particular box until last – suspecting that he was about to open a Pandora’s Box.

 

There were countless ornaments carefully wrapped in tissue paper.

 

There were numerous deliactely worked Cerenne plates – all individually wrapped in newspaper.

 

And expensive oil paintings wrapped up in brown paper and tied up with twine.

 

As the young man searched through the big box he came upon several photo albums encased by a layer of dust.

 

The photo albums were bound to be full of memories.

 

He blew off the dust and hesitated.

 

“Curiosity killed the cat!” Ezra Geller muttered wryly.

 

Then he began tossing the albums to the side.

 

Better to leave the past where it belonged.

 

He looked up at the framed photograph of a beautiful Chana Geller smiling down at him from the wall.

 

She was his life now.

 

And the little life in his womb.

 

Just as he was about to fling the last photo album – a small frayed black and white photo suddenly slipped out.

 

Ezra Geller watched transfixed as the image twirled and twirled until it had fluttered into his lap.

 

The photograph was beckoning to him.

 

Geller was momentarily emotionally paralyzed.

 

 

It was a photo of a serious little boy in a Fred Perry t-shirt and navy shorts.

 

Ezra Geller at eight years of age.

 

Tears filled the young man’s eyes.

 

A maelstrom of emotions began to engulf Ezra Geller as he stared at the photograph he was clutching in his hand.

 

Suddenly he was twelve years old again.

 

Benjamin Geller was siting on the edge of his bed.

 

The young boy had been innocently asking awkward questions.

 

Unknown to him – it had put his adopted parents in a quandary.

 

“Son” Benjamin Geller addressed young Ezra gently “We are your family now. Let the past be buried”

 

“Will I ever meet my real mother and father?” The young boy pressed with large sad eyes.

 

“I and your mother are your parents now” Geller informed him “And you are our son”

 

Then he embraced the boy as Elisa Geller watched silently from the partially open bedroom door.

 

All was still in the big apartment now.

 

Save for the sobbing of the adult Ezra Geller.

 

All the joy he had been feeling lately had evaporated.

 

He was an orphan again.

 

Unsure of who he really was.

 

It was getting dark outside now.

 

Suddenly the door bell chimed.

 

Ezra Geller was momentarily shaken out of sadness.

 

He opened the door to Miriam Bloom.

 

“I am sorry to disturb you” Bloom declared “but I just wondered if you needed anything”

 

Ezra Geller looked at the kind woman standing before him.

 

He was touched by thoughtfulness.

 

But nothing could assuage his sorrow.

 

Geller had gone down into the pit once more.

 

And he didn’t know how or when he would be surfacing.

 

His ghosts were haunting him again.

 

“No, thank you” I think we are okay” Ezra Geller replied glumly “I think we are fine”

 

The older woman was searching him with her eyes.

 

“Are you okay?” Miriam Bloom asked with concern “You seem a little  … sad?”

 

“Just struggling with a few things” Ezra Geller answered quickly “Pay no mind”

 

Several long moments passed as the older woman gazed at the dejected young man with the maternal instincts of a mother.

 

She reached out a hand and put it gently on his shoulder.

 

The young man flinched slightly at the expression of tenderness.

 

“I understand” Miriam Bloom declared – looking directly into Ezra Geller’s eyes.

 

“How the hell can you understand?” Ezra Geller exploded “How can you goddamn understand how I feel?”

 

Suddenly the older woman was an unwanted visitor encroaching on his grief.

 

Suddenly she was just a stranger handing out platitudes that meant nothing to him.

 

And she had chosen the wrong night to do so.

 

“Trust me my dear” Bloom assured him “I feel it too”

 

Ezra Geller was staring at her in outraged disbelief.

 

She was a mad woman.

 

“You understand nothing!” Geller raged.

 

He angrily shrugged off the hand on his shoulder.

 

“I bet you had nice Jewish parents and have had a nice Jewish life!” Ezra Geller erupted “I bet you’ve been a good Jewish girl with God knows how many children and grandchildren”

 

Miriam Bloom was looking at Ezra Geller with a distraught expression on her face.

 

“I’m sorry if I seem rude but this is not a good time for me!” The young man continued sharply “You could never understand how I feel because you are not an orphan. You’ve never had to give up a child!

 

“That is where you are wrong” Miriam Bloom answered him quietly.

 

“What the hell do you mean?” Ezra Geller demanded.

 

Who was this woman?

 

Why was she still standing at his door?

 

“Ezra, I am your mother” Miriam Bloom informed Ezra Geller simply.

 

Everything was quiet now.

 

“I am your mother”

 

Miriam Bloom suddenly fought the urge to embrace her child.

 

“I am your mother, Rachel”

 

Suddenly the older woman fought the urge to hold the child she had lost over thirty years before.

 

Ezra Geller was unable to comprehend was he was hearing.

 

The older woman standing before him had suddenly been transformed.

 

Suddenly time was compressed into a few moments.

 

The beautiful day she met Ariel Abrams.

 

And they day married in Tel Aviv.

 

The tragic day they called to inform her he Ariel dead.

 

The first time her baby kicked in her womb.

 

The tragic day they took him away from her.

 

And the countless days, months and years she yearned for her child.

 

It had all happened at once in a fragment of time.

 

Rachel Abrams had been following her son’s journey for most of his life.

 

She collected every newspaper and magazine clipping she could find.

 

She watched every TV show he appeared.

 

And all along her heart was breaking.

 

Rachel Abrams was his secret mother.

 

But nobody knew.

 

The guilt and the shame followed her all her life.

 

“I had a difficult pregnancy …your father was in Israel looking for a place for us to live when he was killed by a suicide bomber … you were born soon after … and I became very ill … I just couldn’t cope … so your grandparents gave you away to a couple at the synagogue … then they placed me in a convalescence home … I lost my husband and my child”

 

Tears were falling down Ezra Geller’s cheeks as she spoke.

 

“There has never been a day I have not thought about you and wondered whether you were happy or sad … you have always been in my heart …  I was blessed that your father left me well provided for … so when I heard you were living here I bought an apartment to be close to you …”

 

Tears were falling down Rachel Abram’s face too now

 

“I will understand if you don’t want to see my anymore … It was I who gave you up after all … I just wanted you to know that its me”

 

“I am your mother”

 

Ezra Geller took the older woman’s hands gently in his.

 

“Please don’t go – stay”

 

“Mama” 


Mother and child were sobbing as they held each other in the doorway of the apartment.

 

A new chapter was just beginning.

 

Chana Geller silently observed the scene as she approached the apartment.

 

There was no need for words.

 

She knew.

 

“Rachel’s child”

 

“Your journey is over” Chana Geller whispered.

 

 

 

 

Within the Artist’s loving Hand (by Ileina deviantart.com)

 

 

Snakes In The Grass And Other Reptiles

Tell fortune of her blindness;

Tell nature of decay:

Tell friendship of unkindness;

Tell justice of delay:

And if they reply’

Then give them all the lie.
 
~ The Lie by Walter Raleigh
Serpent (by Kizuna-chan deviantart.com)

 

Where Angels Fear To Tread

Hannah Rosen and Luke Mendel.

They had been friends since childhood.

Life had taken them in different directions. But just lately they had rekindled their friendship and everything was just fine.

At least – on the surface.

Hannah Rosen was plump and pretty – but she wasn’t exactly the brightest star in the sky.

Nevertheless – she was a kind-hearted young woman with a likeable personality.

And Hannah Rosen was the ultimate Jewish princess.

But just recently she had been having a string of bad luck  – mostly with men.

The object of her wrath was her feckless ex-husband Aaron.

In fact she spent a good deal of her time bemoaning her failed marriage to him and how she believed that she would never find the perfect Jewish husband to look after her and her little daughter Rachel. Aaron made sure Rachel was well provided for – but it was never enough.

Hannah also actively blamed her interfering ex-mother in law Sandra for ruining her marriage. So she ate up all her emotions and blamed the weight gain on Sandra as well.

Hannah came from a small Jewish family in North London – her mother Lilian, father Daniel and older sister Judith. It was Challah bread and Hanukkah with the Rosen family.

Hannah was judiciously observant and ate Kosher. Unless she was at a Toby carvery. And she also had a taste for the finer things of life too.

A little Cartier trinket – or two – was just fine by her.

“Hannah got the looks but Judith got the brains!” Her mother Lillian remarked insensitively one day at a family gathering – causing Hannah to cringe and duck for cover.

Hannah’s sister had been happily married and settled for years. This was something that made Hannah secretly feel like a failure. Of Judith’s personal achievements –  Hannah was all too painfully aware.

Hannah Rosen had some bad habits too.

One of her bad habits was to believe that the world revolved around her. If Hannah wasn’t happy – nobody else was allowed to be either.

Another bad habit was to blame everybody else but herself for her troubles – it was never her fault.

Hannah was also a “talker”.

Whatever it was – Hannah Rosen felt the need to broadcast it to the universe.

Nothing could remain a secret for long. Hannah also expected the worst in other people and actively sought it as well. She had something to say about everything and she had an opinion about everything. She frequently off loaded her mishaps onto her girlfriends and family. A phone was forever clamped to her ear as she vociferously expressed her dissatisfaction with outrageous fortune to the unfortunate on the other end of the line.

Hannah had very low self esteem and didn’t trust people. If people were nice to her – Hannah was suspicious. If people were horrible to her – Hannah took it as a sign that she’d been right all along. And she was unfortunately the ultimate mistress of self sabotage.Everybody was out to get her and nothing ever worked out right for her.

Luke Mendel was the complete opposite to Hannah in just about every single way.

Tall and good-looking. Mendel was also rather shy and introverted and never spoke unless he really had too.

Relationships were difficult for him but he was devotedly loyal to his friends and would do anything for them.

Bought up in a tight little family in Surrey with his atheist scientist father Edward who was mild and retiring and his orthodox Canadian mother Marlene who was both formidable and implacable – Luke never really found his voice. Marlene’s word was law and because Luke had brains, he soon became the apple of her eye. He got a first from Oxford University and settled into a career as a marine biologist. He remained resolutely unmarried causing consternation to his match maker mother who wanted grandchildren.

Luke Mendel also had some bad habits.

One of them was calling people’s negative character traits something else.

He made excuses for people all the time. He was afraid to assert himself when something was wrong. In effect Luke allowed others to abuse his good intentions. He was afraid to hurt other people’s feelings even if it was detrimental to himself.

Mendel hated drama and confrontation and his non-committal attitude to life soon spilled over into his private life. People found Luke remote and closed off.  Instantly likable but maddeningly unattainable – Luke Mendel proceeded to break hearts without even realising it.

Hannah’s family secretly harboured the wish that Hannah and Luke would get together some day and settle down.

And have five children.

They were 100% convinced that Luke and Hannah were the perfect match. But Luke’s mother had other ideas. She thought her son deserved much better.

“Are you going to see her again?” Luke’s mother Marlene exclaimed – barely concealing her disapproval and contempt.

“Any objections mother?” Luke replied getting up from the table

“You’re leaving Friday night dinner to run after her?” Marlene retorted angrily.

“She needs me” Luke replied pulling his jacket on.

“Say something Edward!” Marlene shouted with righteous indignation “Don’t just sit there like a dough ball whilst your son runs off with that schiksa!”

“What do you want me to do?” Luke’s father finally answered “Tape the boy to the chair?”

“She isn’t a schiksa mother” Luke called out before shutting the door behind him.

“She’s a schiksa and a tramp!” Marlene exclaimed furiously “Like hell is she coming to my house for Friday night dinner”

Edward shook his head.

Hannah’s father and mother had very high expectations for the studious young Luke.

Thankfully, Luke was secretly bi-sexual and keeping his horizon’s open (!) Something told Luke however, that he needed to make some changes.

It was the first time that they had spent the whole day together since they had met up again.

Hannah Rosen was expecting to be swept off her feet.

She was anticipating a momentous time – as did her mother who called her several times throughout the day for highlights.

To this end – she spent hours agonising over what to wear.

Hannah eventually showed up wrapped in a faux fur coat and Versace boots – every finger had a gold ring on it. When she opened her coat – she was a wearing a pink cashmere sweater with a plunging neckline.

Luke winced at the sight of Hannah Rosen’s nipples standing to attention.

They drove to London – with Hannah chattering all the way – for a spot of retail therapy.

But things were going to change because – you see – Hannah wasn’t being completely honest with Luke Mendel.

She secretly held a torch for him.

She believed that he was the perfect man for her – and he was Jewish.

Jackpot.

It was only a matter of time …

Luke Mendel was her knight in shining armour and he was coming to rescue her from a life of drudgery and servitude.

In her minds-eye, she pictured herself and Luke retiring to the country with their big family. A house with a white picket fence and a big rose garden where the sun shone all day.

The perfect dream.

Every time the handsome Luke entered the room, Hannah’s heart would skip a beat.

Luke Mendel made Hannah Rosen tremble in anticipation. She was also suffering from a raging case of sexual frustration.

Luke was totally oblivious to this of course.

He didn’t find her remotely attractive.

She really wasn’t his type and she would have been devastated to discover that he saw her more as a sister than anything. But Hannah was living in her own little bubble.

Strolling around one bustling department store after another in the heart of London – Hannah secretly hoped that Luke would pay for everything she chose. Its amazing how many things suddenly seem more appealing and take on a new significance when you think somebody else is paying for it.

“I don’t expect you to pay for this” Hannah lied as she fingered a pair of diamante encrusted Armani jeans.

“No worries” Luke replied gallantly pulling out his credit card “Its my pleasure”

Hannah rewarded Luke with a kiss on the cheek. But she didn’t see him grimace. She was too busy looking for her next find.

“You don’t have to carry that” Hannah purred as she patiently waited for Luke to insist that he hold her bags.

Her face fell when she noticed that he was looking distractedly in the opposite direction. He hadn’t heard a thing she’d been saying. In fact he was trying to mentally locate the nearest exit.

By the afternoon Luke was drained. He was tired of listening to Hannah carping on and tired of wandering around Harrods.

Everything seemed to blur into one – endless cosmetic counters and overpriced designer labels, crowds of dawdling shoppers and officious sales people.

Hannah was growing tired of Luke’s silence’s and was taking them personally. After all wasn’t he meant to be entertaining her? How selfish of him to neglect her and what a moody side he was showing. But she needed him enough not to let it show.

So Hannah chatted happily away as Luke’s legs almost gave way beneath him. But he was still the gift that kept on giving.

At a perfume counter she procrastinated over which perfume to buy and Luke coughed as she continued to spray several scents on any available piece of exposed flesh she could find.

At the Clinique counter Hannah was given a make over as Luke nodded off in the chair beside her.

On and on Hannah prattled.

Hannah was secretly angry that Luke hadn’t complemented her on her make up. But Luke was full of regret and was already dreading the night ahead.

Later that evening – Hannah made sure that she chose the most expensive restaurant she could find.Kosher or not – Hannah was starving and she was determined to enjoy herself.

Unfortunately Luke was also coming along for the ride.

During dinner – Hannah suddenly turned to the couple she had barely just met and told them herentire life story.

With complete indiscretion – she told them everything.

Luke cringed into his bowl of pasta.

Hannah recounted in gory detail about how her husband had left her and her daughter and then she jabbered on about how Luke had hesitated before entering the restaurant because he was worried it was too expensive.

She laughed uproariously at this – fancy Luke not wanting to satisfy her every need? That wouldn’t do for Hannah because she had been looking forward to eating here all week.

She told the couple at great length that she had had a crush on Luke for most of her life.

Luke blushed violently – his face as red as the sun ripened tomatoes in his pasta sauce – and squirmed in his chair hoping the ground would swallow him alive.

But there was no stopping Hannah.

She had a captive audience now.

On and on she babbled with abandon – where angels feared to tread Hannah Rosen went rushing in.

She was blissfully unaware that Luke’s attention had been diverted by a gentleman’s bottom as he passed.

“I’ve lost ten ounces” Hannah proudly announced in the restaurant.

Luke was appalled.

She had been helping herself all day. She hadn’t stopped eating.

Luke was finally looking at her and finding fault.

He was seeing her with new eyes and he didn’t like what he saw.

And what he saw – he didn’t like very much.

In fact what he saw – he hated.

Hannah still had that strange far away look in her eyes.

Luke was trying to avoid making eye contact with her now – he had belatedly realised that Hannah had other ideas on her mind. He was counting the time down until he could offload her.

But Hannah was busy thinking – was Luke the man for her?

Decisions, decisions.

After dinner they made their way to the big cinema plex. There was an awkward silence between them now.

Hannah had come to the conclusion that perhaps things had not gone as she had planned after all. But Luke was secretly elated. Going to the movies would mean that Hannah would have to shut her mouth for the next two hours.

Luke would be able to breathe at last. The movie might just rescue the day.

In the foyer  – Luke finally lost his temper with Hannah who had been visibly sulking.

He told her to stop being so immature and demanding.

She retaliated by blaming Luke for being moody and distant and for making her feel uncomfortable.

In fact – Luke had gone out of his way to oblige her every whim and he was now trying to wring out as much self-control as he could. Already he was considering whether or not he wanted to see Hannah again.

She galumphed off to the rest room.

“Men” Hannah wailed down the phone to her mother “They are all the same and the good ones are either married or gay”

Hannah was devastated.

She was mad to think that a great catch like Luke Mendel would ever see anything in her. He was such a dark horse. She concluded that he must secretly be married and unable to commit to her. He could hardly be gay.

On the way home – Hannah and Luke hardly spoke. Luke stared resolutely out of the window. Hannah’s brain had already flat lined.

They were players acting in a farce.

“Sorry if I’ve been nagging you” Hannah explained earnestly as she dropped Luke off at his house “But you seemed really moody today and -”

But Luke didn’t care anymore and he was no longer paying attention.

Three months later …

Hannah Rosen was still hoping that Luke Mendel would call her. He never returned her calls. She couldn’t understand why he had not contacted her since the trip to London. But she was willing to wait for him.

After his time with Hannah – Luke Mendel had decided to ‘take the bull by the horns’. Heembarked on a ménage à trois  with a man and a woman.

And he wasn’t quite ready to commit just yet.

manequins (by createsima deviantart.com)

Joy Comes After

Arriving in a strange new town, Omar Habib was quietly hopeful. But exhaustion robbed him of his happy expectations.

Omar’s devoted father Dabir and mother Sara were watching him like a hawk. They monitored his movements and were attentive to his every need.

Just lately he had been feeling more tired.

The family was painfully conscious of every move he made. Sara could barely let Omar out of her sight. His father proudly told everyone who would listen about how clever Omar was and how proud the family were of him. Nobody in the family spoke of the boys predicament.

Nobody outside the family knew how ill Omar really was. And early on the family found sustenance in their faith.

On his first day at Cranley College, a boy called Abed Farah had befriended Omar.

It was magnetic.

Abed was the sort of lad that Omar was scared to be. Abed was outspoken and confident. And a  genuine warmth had grown between the two boys.

Abed would say things that Omar would never dare to say or even admit to thinking. Abed saw Omar as the lad he should be – studious and devout. But life was too short for Abed to be good.

Soon the pair were utterly inseparable and Omar seemed to be a positive influence on the wayward Abed.

Omar had been diagnosed with a rare bone cancer.

His family had not told him how serious it really was.

The doctor did not want to alarm the boy but four months into his studies and Omar was having chemotherapy treatments that left him feeling depleted.

Omar never told anyone that he was ill. He wanted to get well.

But the tiredness persisted and Omar frequently passed up the opportunity to meet up with his growing circle of friends outside of class. They assumed he was studying. Abed was beginning to find Omar boring – he kept him on the straight and narrow but there was more to life then studying and going to mosque.

One day –  Abed Farah failed to show up at college.

His absence was noted by Omar – and the empty space where Abed should be sitting beside Omar equalled the empty space in his heart.

Three days passed and there was no sign of Abed.

The first person to call him was Omar.

Abed told Omar the whole story.

His father had decided to leave his mother and go off with his mistress. There was a big scandal. His distraught mother was going to go home to her family in Morocco. Abed refused to give up his life in England to go back to North Africa. So he was seriously thinking about leaving town for good because he refused to go and live with his father.

Abed detested his father.

“You can’t leave town!” Omar pleaded “You’re my best friend”

“Grow up Omar!” Abed exclaimed angrily “Some people have real problems”

“Some people don’t like telling other people their problems” Omar replied sadly

“Do me a favour you goody two shoes!” Abed sneered “You’re such a little mummy’s boy!”

“At least I don’t pretend to be somebody I am not!” Omar retaliated “At least I don’t lie and cheat and do people over!”.

“I forgot how holy and perfect you are!” Abed shouted ferociously ” You don’t know anythingabout real life so drop dead and go to hell!”.

The line went dead. Omar sat staring at the phone in his hand as tears fell down his face. Everything had gone eerily silent.

Abed never spoke to Omar again – refusing to answer his calls – and within a week he had left town without telling his friends where he was going. All they knew was that he hated his father.

Three months later Omar Habib died peacefully in hospital surrounded by his family..

Abed did not attend the funeral – he couldn’t face it. He just stood in the pouring rain outside the funeral home.

Omar’s mother Sara came out to him.

“Thank you for being here” Omar’s mother began as she put a hand gently on his shoulder “You meant alot to my son and he would be happy to know you were here”

“But I was a terrible friend” Abed cried as his eyes filled with tears “I betrayed him when he needed me most!”

“You didn’t even know he was ill ” Sara said as her voice broke with emotion “He was so brave to the end and he spoke about how much your friendship meant to him”

“I don’t deserve this” Abed said as his tears mingled with the rain “I should go”

“Don’t go”  Sara said.

“But Omar was suffering and I did nothing to help him” Abed wailed.

“He is beyond all that now” Sara said “Come inside”

Sara embraced the sobbing Abed. Slowly he entered the house with Sara. Shortly after, Abed moved into the house and became a surrogate son to Omar’s mother and father.

Abed Farah never forgot Omar Habib.

He would think about him for the rest of his life and he would use Omar as the example of the kind of person we should all strive to be.

 
 
Perfectly done (by iobaya deviantart.com)
 
 

The Devil Finds Work

Mila Harker was sitting in the living room of her pretty little house in Highgate.Petite, skinny and birdlike with piercing clear blue eyes and jet black hair – Mila was the Ice Queen.

She was surrounded by awards and family photos on the mantle piece and on various ornate tables.

Mila had once been a prize gymnast but an injury had rendered her redundant – but she made sure that everyone never forgot who she had once been.

Sitting in his office was her husband Derrick.

Short with greying hair and a simple face – people often thought Derrick was Mila’s father. There were times when Mila struggled to remember what she saw in Derrick – she would plump for his big brown eyes.

Plodding Derrick.

He had money and was boring enough to leave her alone.

“What more could a poor Polish girl ask for?” Mila informed Derrick one night as they held hands on the sofa.

Derrick leaned over to kiss her but Mila pushed him away, saying

“No – if I wanted that I would have married someone else!” Mila snapped.

In fact Mila was indeed getting something else.

She was getting something else every Wednesday afternoon when Derrick was out the house. From the big Albanian man across the road.

Mila was in a big quandary tonight – and this time it had nothing to do with her pastry not rising.

Her two good friends Meggie Mortimer and Matt Peters had finally split up.

The most loved up couple she knew had decided to call it a day. Hold the front page!

Mila couldn’t believe it.

Settling back into her chair she mused on the fickleness of humans. They had had arguments and tearful reunions but this time it was for real.

She told her husband Derrick –  with the simple face – what was going on.

Then she ignored his opinion anyway. He was hoping for a quiet life but it looked like Mila had other ideas.

In fact Mila was always taking over and interfering in other people’s business.

Not long after they got married –  Mila forced Derrick to drop many of his closest friends because she didn’t like them.

“Its them or me” Mila said menacingly as she dangled her passport in front of him “I can easily board a plane back to Crakov”

Derrick miserably complied.  Still later she offloaded all of Derrick’s Elvis Presley albums at a local charity shop.

“Its Elvis Presley or me!” She had warned him – snapping an album in half in front of his face “I hate his stupid songs and I hate his mumbling voice”

And she could only abhor the fact that Derrick hadn’t learnt one word of Polish in all the time she’d known him. And she hated his family.

“I deserve a Polish sausage tonight!” Mila Harker exclaimed one evening as the car screeched to a halt outside a Polish delicatessen

“I sure as hell won’t be getting any other sausage!” She added with a sneer.

Derrick looked back at her with his simple face and Mila was suddenly grateful for any sausage she could have.

Besides – she’d be getting a sausage on Wednesday afternoon. From the big Albanian man across the road.

Back at the house Mila watched Derrick slumber in his chair. Old before his time. She resisted the temptation to stick two fingers up his nostrils.

For five minutes she considered running away with the strapping nineteen year old work experience boy from the bakery. Mila often enjoyed admiring the good looking youth. The taut torso. The firm bottom. She reckoned he had a big one too.

But she changed her mind – there was more to life then a taut body and a firm bottom. Instead she put the track Sex As A Weapon by Pat Benatar on and turned up the volume. Derrick jumped out of his chair.

“Sorry darling” Mila finally said “I thought you were dead”.

Poor Derrick. Sometimes he wondered what life would have been like had he married his childhood sweetheart Louise Tufton.

Soppy Louise. She never had a cross word to say about anyone. More boring and colourless than Derrick himself.

And somehow Mila always seemed to read her hapless husband’s mind.

“Still thinking about that cow?” Mila would snigger nastily.

But it was true.

Mila’s Polish family had long since given up the ghost with her.

Sure she had her own business – a bakery called Mila’s Buns. But they’d been hoping for a dashing Polish man to carry Mila off into the sunset. Instead they got comfortable Derrick with his simple face and his own business making business cards.

No wonder Mila buried her head in jam tarts.

Mila was determined to help her friends and because she meant business she watched several episodes of Judge Judy on the TV recorder.

She carefully practised her most concerned face in the mirror. She even found the most concerned tone of voice too and practised it on her bemused cat who stared back at her incredulously..

After some careful consideration Mila decided to do what every good Frenemy would do.

She pitted her friends against each other.

And take sides.

But she would make sure that she took the side of whomever she was speaking to at the time. Mila was going to use a little reverse psychology on them.

First of all she went for coffee with Matt and was very sympathetic to his predicament.

Mila was fittingly horrified by Meggie’s behaviour and pretended to be appalled. Frequently shaking her head as he recounted his story. Mila made a mental note of every point Matt made and jotted it all down later.

“Women are complicated creatures” Mila conferred shaking her head “Some of our ways are hard to fathom”.

“You can say that again” Matt answered miserably “I don’t think I know Meg anymore”

Later when Meggie called that evening – Mila was appropriately shocked by Matt’s behaviour.

“Men are the weaker sex” Mila pronounced “You are better off alone”

“I never thought we would ever break up like this” Meggie wailed down the phone.

“Some men never grow up” Mila added for good measure as she let out a big sigh.

Mila had been the perfect shoulder to cry on. And she was feeling very pleased with herself.

A month passed and there was no sign of Matt and Meggie getting back together again. Meggie had moved out of their flat and was staying with friends in town.

All Mila could do was stand back and watch with mounting horror and disbelief.

But something about Matt’s behaviour was starting to arouse her suspicions.  According to a friend  – Matt had showed up at a dinner party with a mystery female.

So one Saturday morning not long after – Mila and Derrick were covertly hiding behind some bushes outside Matt’s flat.

“Can’t we do something else?” Derrick pleaded “Its freezing out here!”

“Shut up Derrick!” Mila retorted angrily “And give me those binoculars”

Derrick handed the binoculars over to Mila – who jabbed him angrily in the ribs with her elbow. Derrick winced in pain.

As if the whole thing were being stage-managed – the door to Matt’s flat suddenly opened. He strode out closely followed by a red-haired woman.

Mila’s eyes narrowed.

“The worm!” She hissed venomously.

Matt and the mystery woman kissed passionately on the steps. Mila and Derrick’s mouths fell open in unison.

Matt’s hand slipped down the woman’s back and grabbed her bottom.

Silence fell upon Mila and Derrick as Matt got into his car and drove off.

The woman waved him goodbye. Mila slowly turned away – bile rose in her throat and she fought the sudden urge to throw up.

As if to seal the moment – a little black bird flying past dropped its poo in Derrick’s eye.

“It had to do it to you” Mila said in disgust as she slowly shook her head.

Men.

Back at their house, Mila was pacing up and down and trying to figure out what to do.

Derrick’s head was spinning as he watched her obsessive behaviour.

Three days later, Mila was standing outside Matt’s flat holding a box of chocolates.

The red-haired woman answered the door. Mila eyed her up and down.

There was an awkward silence as Mila glared at the red-haired woman before coming to the quick conclusion that the woman’s eyes were too close together. Just as she had expected.

A charitable rebound.

Men – so predictable.

“I am looking for Matt” Mila said sweetly holding out her hand  “I don’t think we’ve been introduced, I am Mila Harker”

“I’m afraid he’s gone on a business trip for a few days” The woman answered, shaking her hand

“Has Matt ever mentioned me?” Mila enquired trying to hide the irritation in her voice “Thefamous Polish gymnast?”

There was an awkward silence.

“I can’t say he has ..” The woman eventually replied “I’m his friend and he tells me everything”

Mila’s face fell. But she still managed to quickly fix a smile on it.

“Oh how lovely for you both” Mila cried effusively “Well … I’ve got these chocolates and it would be a shame to eat them alone … maybe we could … share them?”

“Oh  … of course yes” The woman answered.

The woman happily ushered Mila – who was bemused and surprised at how well everything was unfolding.

She is a weakling … this all too easy ….

But before Mila entered she looked quickly about her to make sure nobody had seen her.

A week later, a seemingly distraught Matt called Mila.

“Sonia’s gone!” Matt wailed sorrowfully “She’s left me!”

“You poor little thing …” Mila asked – barely able to contain her glee.”What happened?

“She just upped and left” Matt cried in disbelief “I came home and she was gone … there was only a letter”

“A letter?” Mila asked excitedly “Do you have it there … what does it say?”

Matt read the letter out over the phone;

I’m sorry Matt
But we are living a lie
You belong with Meg 
So long
Sonia’

“I am so glad she saw the light!” Mila exclaimed – warming to her theme “Sounds like she made the right decision for all concerned”

“But its so totally out of character” Matt replied sadly “Its just not like her to behave like that ”

“Perhaps you never really knew her after all” Mila sighed – as a smile slowly spread across her face.

“But she would never just disappear like that and not even take her things!” Matt protested

“Maybe she killed herself” Mila answered conspiratorially  “To be totally honest … she did strike me as a little bit unstable

“When did you ever meet her?” Matt exclaimed – suddenly perplexed “I never introduced you to her?”

“Oh …I … well …” Mila stuttered “I must go … I think I can smell burning!”

The line went dead but within a few minutes Matt was already making another phone call.

Mila was delighted.

Then she started to think.

And the realisation hit her like a thunder bolt.

Matt and Meggie were the life and soul of the party.

Life without them would be unendurable.

A big void would be left where Matt and Meggie should be.

It wouldn’t do. Some thing climactic had to be done.

Mila’s mind flashed back to happier days before Matt’s womanising and Meggie’s drinking – holiday’s together and parties where Matt and Meggie held sway. Mila would not accept that those days were over for good. Her reverse psychology had failed but she was not prepared to accommodate this silly denouement. If Matt and Meggie – who belonged together – were not going to sort it out then Mila would sort it out. And she would do it by force. She could safely put the blame back onto them if it didn’t work out of course.

But there were other things that needed sorting out.

She would have to stop making 100 mile journeys to visit Derrick’s mother in the secure unit.

Endless visitations.

Just to pretend to be concerned for the mad old bint

On her final visit – whilst Derrick’s mother sang Hello Dolly – Mila shoved a pillow onto her face. And sat on it.

“Die bitch!”  Mila was sneering “Die bitch … die

Mila held the pillow firmly on the woman’s face as the senile older woman mumbled the words to the song until she fell silent. Then Mila pulled the emergency cord and as the room filled with anxious nurses – she sobbed her way out of the room and into her car and straight down the motorway.

Back at the house Mila considered her next step.

She started rummaging through draws trying to find any cards or letters from Meggie. Then – when she had found sufficient material Meggie sat down and started to painstakingly copy Meggie’s writing style. She even had enough time to comfort Derrick when he came home from work with news that his mother had gone to meet Elvis.

By the end of the evening Mila had constructed the perfect letter.

Full of love and regret. Full of the conviction that Meggie belonged with Matt. That she had made a bitter mistake. That they were made to be together. For eternity.

Failing all that – Meggie could be made to look like a delusional drunk who was fast losing her faculties.

But it wouldn’t get to that.

Matt and Meggie were destined to be together forever and one day Meggie would get all the credit.

She would tell them everything when they got back together.

Mila finished the letter and sent it. Then she helped herself to an expensive bottle of champagne – she deserved it.

Two weeks later.

Sitting in the crowded little church next to a sobbing Derrick – Mila adjusted her veil so nobody could see the smile on her face.

She wasn’t paying attention to anything that was going on around her. She even yawned during the priests sermon.

When Derrick spoke to the mourners about his mother – his speech was so long that Mila nearly lost the will to live herself.

But she managed to put a hand on Derrick’s arm.

As the coffin began to move into the furnace – Elvis Presley’s Crying In The Chapel started playing. Mila sneered with utter disgust as she slowly shook her head and sharply withdrew her hand from Derrick’s arm.

For a moment she imagined pushing Derrick into the furnace with his mother.

But then she noticed Matt sitting a few rows down from her and there was something different about him.

“She wrote to me!” Matt said cheerfully to Mila later at the house as family and friends talked and drank and remembered Derrick’s mother.

“Did she really?” Mila replied – trying to act as surprised as possible “What did the letter say?”

“Well … she sounded different” Matt explained “She sounded like a little girl in love again”

“There you see!” Mila exclaimed so loudly that everyone – including a forlorn Derrick – suddenly  looked at them “I knew you were meant to be together!”

“What shall I do now?” Matt asked.

Mila took Matt into a corner where nobody could hear them and quietly told him exactly what he should do now.

Later as Matt drove off – Mila congratulated herself.

She was oblivious to the fact that Matt knew everything.

She was also oblivious to the fact that not only he – but Meggie knew exactly what was going on.

Mila had no idea that Sonia had been a police woman.

She had no idea either that Matt had been recording their conversations.

Or that everything had been timed and managed like a theatre play.

It turned out that Derrick hadn’t been so simple after all. He had been informing Matt of everything that Mila was doing.

It turned out that Mila had been under surveillance for some time.

Mila had been secretly married in Poland to an aged millionaire years before. The senior died suddenly from ‘natural causes’ and Mila left for England several months later – taking all his money with her. When the man’s two daughters followed Milla to England – one of them disappeared. She was later found under a patio where Mila had been staying with one of her lovers.

Other ‘calamities’ had occurred like the time that Mila discovered that her 19 year old work experience boy had a girlfriend. The girl had agreed to meet Mila for lunch and was never seen again. Her body was later found dumped in a canal 30 miles away from Mila’s home.

Sonia’s body was also later found shoved in a dustbin outside Superdrug in Hounslow.

Mila was at home when they came for her. She went quietly and never showed any emotion from then on.

Under questioning Mila apparently exclaimed;

“Would I really drive all the way to Hounslow to shove Sonia’s body into a stinking dustbin outside Superdrug?” Mila snickered with injured pride “Have a heart!”

Black rose (by BadBlonde69 deviantart.com)

 

Keep Your Friends Close

Jenny and Lisa were friends at university.

Jenny was studying Law and was a caring and level-headed young lady with an endearing personality.

Conversely Lisa was a fluffy blonde with a childish nature who was studying dance. In many ways they were polar opposites.

Jenny – sensible and empathetic.

Lisa – dizzy and always on the edge.

But Lisa was also ill.

When she didn’t take her medication, she was difficult and unpredictable. She could behave outrageously and alienate the people around her who did not know how to handle her. Jenny and Lisa had a close but not always healthy relationship.

Because of some past guilt that was tucked away in Jenny, she felt an exaggerated sense of responsibility for Lisa.

Lisa mercilessly manipulated Jenny.

She frequently played on Lisa’s  good intentions.

As time went on, Lisa came to rely on Jenny more and more. When Lisa didn’t get what she wanted, she made terrible scenes.

Lisa watched back to back episodes of Sex in the City and started testing her sexuality. She thought she was in control. The boys thought she was cheap. Most of them couldn’t handle her hysterical behaviour. On one occasion, she took an overdose. She claimed it was because her father had molested her. Nobody could verify this.

When Lisa started dancing at a sleazy lap dancing club, she actually thought Jenny would be proud of her.

But she had wanted to shock Jenny as well. She recounted how the manager of the club had made her strip in front of him – and then he had felt her breasts. Jenny was utterly appalled – but Lisa refused to listen to her entreaties. She refused to listen to Jenny’s warnings. Back at university – people were starting to snigger behind Lisa’s back but she seemed hell bent on pushing all the boundaries. She started sabotaging everything Jenny did and mercilessly put her down.

But in spite of everything Jenny insisted, “I am always loyal to my friends”.

Lisa needed her.

And Jenny needed to be needed.

This fatalistic attitude was hard for her long-suffering fiance to understand.

When both of them finally left University, they eventually fell out of touch.

It was then that Jenny had to face the fact that Lisa had used her all along. Lisa’s parents had even tasked Jenny with the burden of keeping Lisa’s illness a secret.

The weight was lifted off Jenny’s shoulders but she would feel bitter for years to come.

On heels (by verde-verde-verde deviantart.com)

 

Living The Dream

“Its unbelievable” Marcia Goldstein cries as she opens the door to her palatial Beverly Hills pad beckoning us in.She has done amazingly well from her world-wide string of  New You Beauty Clinics.

It’s a real rags to riches tale of grit and determination.

It’s the real American dream.

And the seal of approval is an article in the UK branch of Essentials – a high profile magazine.

Here is Marcia in the kitchen with her two perfect children – Alen and Edib –  baking cinnamon cookies.

Here is Marcia in her lounge with its huge white leather sofa, deep pile rugs dotted with Ming vases, enormous marble table and tasteful gold leaf detailed mantle piece stacked with family photos.

There is Marcia lovingly assisting the minimum wage Korean  maid as she feeds the two adorable adopted children from Bosnia.

Everyone turns in unison and smiles to the camera.

The shines down on Marcia’s golden world.

“We saved them” Marcia cries, cuddling the twins together “I simply can’t bear to see these poor and backward children suffering in a grimy orphanage”

And here is Marcia with her husband – renowned plastic surgeon Harvey Goldstein – relaxing together by the pool.

Tanned, relaxed and Botoxed to within an inch of their gilded lives.

Yes – life is just one big “happy ever after” for the Goldstein’s.

In the soft focus video clip for her clinics Marcia intones benevolently and meaningfully to the camera

“I believe that beauty is within us all and that all we need is for it to be released”

Yes – Marcia Goldstein is the Dalai Lama of the beauty industry.

Marcia holds up two golden jars of face cream which gleam seductively as they catch the light.

“That is why I created Ethique” Marcia continues earnestly “These are my classic day and night creams which contain organic mushrooms from the Carpathian mountains and star flower, borage seed and micro encapsulated ceramides and priced at just $480 each”

Marcia smiles broadly again, opens one of the jars and smears some cream onto her face.

“Created for you by somebody who loves you!” Marcia says, as the camera zooms in on her blemish free face

The video clip ends with Marcia handing out roses to poor Indian orphans in Calcutta to the strains of Frank Sinatra’s My Way….

Meanwhile – here is Marcia dressed in Prada and standing outside The Betty Ford Clinic.

What a survivor.

Can you believe it?

No – nor can we.

And nor will you.

The article doesn’t speak about the time Marcia tried to jump out of the bedroom window.

She never showed you the bathroom where a cabinet is full of medication for depression.

She never spoke about last Wednesday when she bought a batch of Krispy Kreme donuts for the Bosnian orphans and ate them all in the car.

Or the time she kidnapped Edna Fiernstern from the Beautiful End Retirement Facility in Datona, because she resembled her auntie Rina.

Or maybe she totally forgot to inform you about the time she tried to hold up a pharmacy with a gun shouting “Where have all the cowboys gone?!”

Or even the day she tried to strangle the minimum wage gardener with her tights after he chopped the head off one of her prize gardenia’s by accident?

It was always diminished responsibility with her.

She had bulimia.

She had PMT.

All might have been well perhaps had Marcia’s former minimum wage maid (and chef), Ling – Li, not sold her story to The Daily Horn for an undisclosed six figure sum….

Up Turned Face (by aliatelilith deviantart.com)


The Snake In The Grass

Do you know how to deal with a snake?

Very cunningly.

The Frenemy is the proverbial snake in the grass.

When the actress Gwyneth Paltrow coined the phrase on her website ‘Goop’, a name was given to an ancient affliction.

Something as old as time.

The one who is not who he or she appears to be.

You believe them.

But something is not right.

Maybe it began in Eden with the Serpent. The friendly voice seducing us with lies.

Relationships are very important to us.

And it is for this reason that we engage so passionately in them. Sometimes to our detriment.

We impose so many demands on ourselves and we feel that we have failed if we do not live up to them. Sometimes we actually believe that to be with someone is better than being alone. And not just in a love relationship – our friendships too.

We need friends but we don’t read the signs.

When I hear the way some people talk to each other I am appalled.

I can’t believe the way that some people speak to their friends or allow themselves to be spoken to. This is how they treat themselves.

A friendship is really a choice.

When a friendship breaks down, it is usually because one or both of the parties has opted out. They may not say it and it may be hard to detect at first, but the signs will surely become apparent. Lack of interaction, lack of communication and a sour feeling in the solar plexus are all signals.

Something has died or is dying. And you are feeling it.

Most of us live our lives as if we have another one on stand by.

When things get tough we resent it.

We are conditioned to perceive pain and difficulties as some sort of failure.

Effectively we make ourselves wrong.

We do not see the value in the experience. So we suffer more than we have to.

We fight.

We struggle.

We give the very thing we claim to detest all our power.

People are powerful and when they come together – fireworks happen! For better or for worse.

When people are in agreement on a matter – it is a mighty thing.

But a person who has mastered themselves or is on the path of self-realisation is always more superior. They are not afraid to be the student. They are not afraid to be the teacher. They will not be lost when the lights go out and life’s difficulties manifest as a result of their evolutionary growth.

The entertainment business is full of ‘Frenemies’ as Gwyneth Paltrow knew only too well.

They love you when you are hot but don’t know you when you are not so hot.

There is no honour amongst thieves”–  so the saying goes and the Frenemy is not unlike a thief.

There is nothing more miserable than somebody who only knows you when they want something from you. But there is something worse than that – knowing a friendship is over and denying it.

Remaining in an unhealthy relationship that is over will rob you for your peace.

You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

You may have known them since you were 5 years old, but you no longer have to hold their hand to cross the road.

Its funny how people will cling to others even though it is doing them no good.

This is fear. Fear is an illusion. But we have to see a paper tiger for what it is. We have to see this for ourselves.

Your friend may proudly announce to the world that they’ve been your friend since you were both at nursery school –  in spite of the fact that you just spent the last hour arguing in the car and wanting to scratch each others eyes out.

The ultimate Frenemy is the cheating spouse.

Its not so much that they cheated however – this is painful enough – it is the fact that they got caught out which really rubs the salt into the wound. They would have continued had you not found out. That is what kills.Then there are the ones who claim to love their partner but add that they are happy for them to stray.

What is wrong with this picture?

Everything happens for a reason.

All the people in your life are a reflection of you.

Even the Frenemy has a place.

Their job is to show you who you were.

They reflect a part of the old you.

But like everything outgrown – as with a pair of old shoes – it is going to hurt.

And pain is always a signal that you need to investigate.

Take your eyes off them. What is happening within you.

Life is a series of lessons.

We grow through every experience.

Whether we can see the fruit or not.

Dark experiences are all part of the process.

“Pain is part of the deal” Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa asserts in her book –  The Eight Human Talents.

Rather than seeing those dark valley experiences as horrors that have come to destroy you – look at them as experiences sent to make you great.

What is the lesson? Can you get something positive out of this dark experience?

“There is value in this valley” Iyanla Vanzant writes in her book – The Value In The Valley.

In the stories, many of those featured were masters of ‘self sabotage’.

They actively spent time with people who did not respect them. They sabotaged themselves.

In many ways – most of the people featured believed that they did not deserve anything better from life. A belief is something we think alot. You think it will never happen for you. You decide that the boat has already sailed away.

But the truth is that the boat hasn’t even moored yet.

Some people really believe that they are not worth very much and they attract people and situations that reinforce this belief. Simply because this belief underlies all their experiences.

Like attracts like.

Hannah had very low self esteem. She enjoyed self pity too. It wasn’t just raging sexual frustration that Hannah suffered from – it was a raging case of PLM as well. Poor Little Me. Everything and everyone were always out to get poor little Hannah.

Jenny felt she deserved a friend like Lisa. The fruit of this belief was that Jenny had to deal with low self esteem issues for some time to come. By allowing Lisa to constantly undermine her and by reinforcing a false sense of responsibility towards her – Jenny gave her power away. She unconsciously gave Lisa permission to run amok in her life. The last time Lisa was heard of –  she was living off a sugar daddyAnd the one person who had genuinely deserved Jenny’s undivided attention – her fiance – was thankfully still with Jenny.

In losing OmarAbed gained a family. But he would feel guilty for years to come. He made amends by never taking anyone for granted again. Eventually Abed would find peace and the peace lay in his devotion to Omar’s family.

Mila was so disconnected that she projected herself onto other people. Instead of fixing herself – she tried to  fix and control the people around her. She was the worst kind of Frenemy of all. When she didn’t get what she wanted and when she couldn’t manipulate the people around her any longer – she turned to desperate measures. Mila never took responsibility for her actions. She had no sense of self awareness. People who are like this tend to suffer from PLM and are always victims. They are dis empowered because they are always blaming other people for their predicament. They have no sense of real power because they are always a victim. The difference with Mila however is that she believed that eliminating the opposition would make her feel powerful. Like other sociopaths Mila had a total lack of empathy for other people. This was why she had no problem in killing the people that she believed were in her way. If she hadn’t considered the consequences of her actions before – she would now.

It is unlikely that Mila Harker will ever leave prison.

Marcia was living the 21st century fake dream. She had it all. The money. The fame. She had nothing. It was all empty. On the outside everything glittered like gold. On the inside Marcia was as insecure and broken as the best of them. She hid everything under a shining mantle. But inside she was conflicted and haunted by her past. For years she struggled to ignore her husband’s affairs with his patients. She struggled to deal with the early death of her mother who died in front of her at 16. She was still haunted by the years she was teased for her buck teeth and the fact she wore large frame glasses at school. She never thought she was pretty or good enough or anything much. Years of holding it all in sent her into a downward spiral. Poor Marcia. When the pain got too much – Marcia was finally forced to face her demons and deal with her past and her present. She went into therapy to deal with her emotional and psychological pain. She realised that she had never recovered from the death of her mother.

Marcia Goldstein died from an overdose of pain killers three weeks after her husband finally walked out on her.

Mirror Mirror (by asgoth-de-agra deviantart.com)



Let The Pendulum Swing

“Know thyself” the ancient Greek mystic wisely teaches us.

The greatest test is how much we love.

After love of the Creator – nothing is more important than that you love yourself and that you should honour the authentic you.

If you are reading this and do not believe in God or Spirit then understand that everything is spiritual. There is always another dimension to what we see.

We are sentient beings experiencing life on different levels.

And the truth is that you set the bench mark for how you will be treated. Your thoughts are powerful and your words are powerful – they create.

If you are truly “awake” then you can never be waylaid.

If you are fully present in the moment, you will always be able to see through the people and things around you.

When you know something – you know it with all certainty.

You will know when people are lying to you.

You will know when things are not as they seem.

You may not always understand how you know – but you will know.

You cannot walk through life with your spiritual eyes closed.

Spending time with unloving people is poison to your soul and always counter productive.

Calling a back stabber pretty names is like burying your head in the sand.

Or lying on a railway line.

Spending time with people who bad mouth you behind your back will cause you to do the same and the vicious cycle continues.

For nothing is more depressing then low-vibrational talk and gossip – nothing good will ever come of it.

No satisfaction can come from decimating other people – particularly when it will boomerang back sooner or later.

As it always does.

Witless bitching with the aim of undermining somebody else is extremely destructive. Particularly for the one initiating it because sooner or later you always get back the full measure of what you give.

When you bad mouth another person – you invite it upon yourself.

Sooner or later – it will appear in your experience.

What you call someone else is what you are.

What you see in another person – exists within you.

They are reflecting a part of you that is crying out for healing.

Don’t plot revenge – it will always leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Let the pendulum swing.

Get the lesson and move on.

Aim to focus on what you desire the outcome to be – and nurture that dream.

Disengage from the negative expectations.

Shift those gears off that energy – stop feeding it!

Don’t participate.

Hang up.

Drop out.

Do not reinforce that calamity thinking.

Turn away and do a new thing.

Pray – it works.

Nothing brings more emotional and psychological relief then surrendering matters in prayer. In impressing the super conscious.

Nothing frees the prisoner from their spiritual jail then giving it up for a change.

Thoughts are prayers.

And there is only One Mind.

And we are all connected to the same Source.

The Frenemy has something to give you.

Even if it is just to show you how much you have grown.

For that alone – be grateful.

In releasing these people from your life, you make room for something better to enter it. This is something to be thankful for.

By their unfriendly actions they have caused you to find your personal power.

By exacting that power you create a new vision of yourself.

And nothing is more powerful than the new vision that you have for yourself.

You have grown through life’s experiences.

The prize is won.

It is you – but more you.

The authentic you.

the door is open (by judenlucy deviantart.com)